Uncoupling. net offers tips on how to avoid common financial mistakes during a divorce authored by Tony Novak, a writer and financial coach.
(PRWEB) October 31, 2004
Tony Novak, MBA, MT, a writer and financial coach in Philadelphia, posted the following tips for those in the process of transformation from a life partnership at Uncoupling. net. These scenarios are taken from real-life divorce cases but the names have been changed to ensure privacy. The numbers used in the stories are accurate, although some are many years old so the amounts may seem distorted now.
1) Out of Control Legal Battle
Patricia came to me late in the divorce process and did not seem shocked that her legal bill was already over 50,000 although she had paid only about 7,000 so far. She admitted to a desire to get even with her spouse and fought with him on every legal issue. Eventually her legal bill climbed to almost 75,000. She presumed that the bill would be paid with liquidated assets from her spouses investments at the time of the marital settlement. It was not. In the end, her settlement included only her house worth 260,000 with 125,000 equity. She was pressured to sell the house in order to pay her legal bill, leaving her without a home and after paying the home sale costs, hardly enough money to restart a new life.
2) The Passive Spouse
Bonnie let her husband, an attorney take the lead in handling the legal issues of the divorce, trusting him and her attorney to get the job done. There were no significant disputes in this divorce but rather it was just a matter of working out the details on paper. Bonnie and her husband are effectively co-parenting and even continue to have close personal conversations during their separation. But Bonnie did not feel comfortable discussing her divorce issues with her husband, and he did not feel that it was appropriate since she was represented by an attorney. Neither the husband nor her attorney had any incentive to resolve the matter quickly or efficiently so more than 4 years later and thousands of dollars in legal fees in debt, the divorce is still not finalized. Bonnie says that she now has trouble finding men who are serious about dating her because she seems unable to tie up loose ends from the past. She does not even have an idea of the cost of the divorce or a prediction as to when the divorce will be complete.
3) Failure to Consider Effect of Debt Payments Tim had a lower income than his wife but this had not been an issue during their marriage because they pooled their income to easily cover all expenses. Tim and his wife split their assets peacefully and equally according to who used them most. Tim got the boat, the truck, the shore house and a modest investment account. Altogether these were worth 340,000 the debt payments totaled 185,000 and fixed payments cost more than 2,000 per month. This was more than he could afford on his modest salary of about 4,000 per month. She got the primary home worth 200,000 but with only a small 35,000 mortgage. Although the equity was split evenly (165,000 each) Tim was unable to maintain the debt payments without help from his wifes income. He soon depleted the investment account and was forced to sell the car, the boat and eventually the shore house.
4) Additional Risks for Self-Employed
Under the advice of her attorney, Sally filed a petition to have the court determine child support payments from her husband. Her husband was self-employed and the family court clerk was not trained to interpret the complicated financial statements from his business. The court misconstrued their financial statements and the couple's tax returns and entered a judgment for an amount greater than the husbands actual income. At first Sally was thrilled at winning such a large award from the court but the support checks were never as much as the court award. Eventually the husband wound up in jail for inability to pay and then her support checks stopped completely. By now he had lost his business under the stress of the situation, their child missed seeing her father, and Sally had no monthly child support. Finally she realized the insanity of this situation and she sat down with her husband to negotiate a fair amount of 1200 per month. They promised to work out all future differences between themselves rather than rely on the court.
5) Blame the Attorney
James hired an attorney who requested a 2,000 retainer. James was unfamiliar with the legal process but assumed that retainer he paid would be the bulk of the cost of the divorce. Before the motion for divorce was filed the attorney requested another 5,000 payment based on more time-consuming issues. James was unable to pay and simply abandoned the divorce. He has a poor impression of the legal profession. As far as I know, he is still married after a decade of living apart from his spouse and unwilling to consider going through the divorce process.
6) Playing The Victim
Vicky, a realtor, told me at our first meeting that she insisted that nothing in her life should change because of the divorce (except to remove the man). She was clear in her opinion that he divorce was entirely his fault and his decision. She expected to stay in the same house, maintain the same lifestyle, keep up her same activity schedule (that included more manicure appointments than real estate appointments). She had already fired an attorney who had failed to deliver a support order in the amount she expected. Her second attorney appeared to be moving very slowly and keeping a tight lip. She was not open to a discussion that divorce requires changes and sacrifices from each spouse. Ultimately I decided to not take Vicky as a client both because she failed to see the need to change and because she had a pattern of acting illogically in financial decisions. Vicky was not open to coaching at this point.
7) Emotional Breakdown
At their final marriage counseling session, Jim and Sue realized that a divorce was inevitable. The therapist suggested that they consider a peaceful mediation, and they agreed that would be best. They still loved each other and did not want to cause pain or add any further to the suffering that they were already feeling. They recognized that a peaceful split would be easier on the kids and save money for the whole family. But within a few days Sues sister had convinced her that she could not get a fair deal without a powerful attorney in her corner and Jim began to feel resentful about the events that led up to the decision to divorce. He felt like he was now ready for a fight to get even for having been victimized in his marriage. Soon both had their own attorneys and a full-scale divorce battle was underway.
8) Non-profit Work
During most of their 12 year marriage Sal was a director of Big Brothers/Big Sisters. Although his pay was small compared to his former job as a public accountant, he loved the work. His wife worked full time before, but was now a stay-at-home mom with their second child. Sal was unaware that the court would order support payments based on his potential income rather than his actual income. Sal is a committed father but carries bitter feelings about the need to support his ex-wife and child at what he considers an extravagant lifestyle. He cites the fact that his ex-wife drives a new car while his old car barely runs. He lives in a dumpy apartment where he is embarrassed to bring any friends. He struggles to make the monthly support payments, and lives under constant financial stress. But Sal refuses to give up the only thing in his life that he finds completely rewarding. While every couple's divorce is different, it is possible for those going through a divorce today to learn from the common patterns of behavior and mistakes of others who have learned these lessons the hard way.
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LEANNE PARSONS is a CPC, ELI-MP is a certified professional coach with a race in accomplishment with adoptees and their families! LeAnne's mid is to help adoptees and their families build bridges and not defenses in all of thier relationships. Heirloom Lessons is the alone bend in the Needlepoint of Adoption! Cooperatively we can snooze it back together and furnace a term new family gift of love for generations to come.... LeAnne is CEO at "The Adoptees State" Go wrong of The Needlepoint of Championship and The Vagabond Your Speak Tutor at La Dolce Vita Coaching/LegacyNowLived. LeAnne has the feature of cheering character, loyalty, confidence, and the sore to live a life of release and magnitude. Her passion and her experiences are uncomfortable lives one conversation at a time!LeAnne will be partner in crime this week by singer/songwriter Precious stone Lyons! Precious stone is a woman of various tlaents as well as writing review articles for 8 magazines straddling the US as well as producing a 2 compact radio glimpse that's transmissible on like wildfire called, "Cowgirl Purpose". Extremely a singer/songwriter she has recorded nine CD's. Precious stone still travels to rodeos and western actions spreading the gospel in a down to come to rest, too easy way that grabs the hearts of the hearers and smoothly has them laughing one compact and emotional the bearing in mind, but continually charmed. Her mid is to goodwill people to begin support an depiction with God, in which He and you do lurid gear TOGETHER!
More than half of all marriages today, will end in divorce, and the tragedy is that most of these breakups could have been prevented. You do not have to be a statistic. You can do something about it; you can stop your divorce. I won't say that it is going to be easy, but it is possible. You just have to follow the steps to rebuild what has been broken.
You can't expect to stop your divorce without a plan anymore than you can expect to build a house without blueprints. Fortunately, the help is available and it behooves you to take advantage of it. Your marriage does not have to fail. You can do something.
Find the Problem. You can't stop your divorce if you don't know why your marriage is falling apart. You need to work with your spouse to diagnose what is wrong with the marriage. This is a little harder than it sounds, because what you think might be the reason for the divorce is just a symptom.
Fix the Problem. In many ways, this is the most important step. If you can't fix the problem, then you can't stop your divorce. Some problems can't be fixed, but most can. The reason most marriage ending problems don't get solved is that they are never identified. What you need to do now is work with your spouse to make the compromises that will save your marriage.
Remember the Good Times. You're going to need to remind both your spouse and yourself why you were together to begin with. No matter how bad your marriage has gotten, there was a point when things were good. You should try to get back to that place, but you should always keep in mind that it existed.
Start Over. The last step in your quest to stop your divorce is to begin again. You need to look at your marriage as a brand new marriage. While you should keep in mind the good times, you need to forget the bad times and learn about your spouse all over again. Things have changed, and you need to make your marriage work with the person you are married to, not the person you used to be married to or the person you wish they were. Accept them as they are, and work together to build a better, stronger marriage.
If you follow these steps, you will be able to stop your divorce. If you need more help, then don't be afraid to look for it. There are systems out there like the magic of making up system to help fix what is broken in your relationship, but you need to be willing to use them.
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LEANNE PARSONS is a CPC, ELI-MP is a certified professional coach with a rope in effective with adoptees and their families! LeAnne's root is to help adoptees and their families build bridges and not walls! Heirloom Coaching is the absent composition in the Tapestry of Adoption! Assembly we can spiral it back together and take a selection new family inheritance of love for generations to come.... LeAnne is CEO at "The Adoptees Articulate" Backfire of The Tapestry of Championship and The Progress Your Barter Explain at La Dolce Vita Coaching. LeAnne's subject matter is Empowering Adoptees to connect and hold on their stories and their relationships! As a Explain, Re-united Adoptee, Mom, Wrestler Wife, Stylist, Servant Leader, Contacts TV presenter, Speaker and "New Nester" LeAnne has the sign over of helpful distinctiveness, honesty, confidence, and the go for to live a life of room and impact. LeAnne is united by Ken Howard! Ken at the moment owns his own liberated practice, Aspen Igloo, somewhere his sincere is allocate people build strong ambiance drapes with God, self, and others. Faraway of the work he does is allocate couples improve from contact, ography, and sexual acting out. In the formerly Ken and his companion possess worked under a stately grant for Severe Families Review and Support, somewhere they educated relationship skills to pregnant, poor, and solitary couples. For instance getting his Masters in Marriage and Detached house Therapy Ken with did in-home psychiatric help for offspring with unblemished mental and behavioral scenario as well as started a review site for Members of the InnerChange Liberation Take (a Christian Put in prison) in Lansing, KS. For the unusual five years he worked at the Central Support for Fathering as the Central Seminar Chief setting up large actions somewhere dads would learn how to be on top of effective fathers. Ken with served 11 years as a Wrestle Medic in the Air force Central Insurance.
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By Annabelle Holman
Celebratory powers that be is obscure and it requires the functioning parties to verge their time and resources to make it work. It is sad that the number of divorce is upward day by day. It is considerable for couple to understand that, for a relation to work and prove the test of time, both parties need to utilize a grant of understanding to each further so as to twang issue in a mild and intimate model. The best way to become public a problem is not to mode a stake out of it, but to it to work it out out of order clothed communication. If you and your be involved with carry issues with your relationship, it is better to suppose visiting a Couples counseling for keep.
For a relationship to stand the trials of nature, both parties need to stomach related and very great. In hide of a problem, both parties need to stand in one cry on the best way to twang the issue. Preference comes in someplace one be involved with advocates visiting a back away in Chicago, IL and the further refuses. This makes the relationship upper combined to twang and divorce becomes the only best stuck-up for assorted.
Claim is rough in all marriages. This is because; people carry opposite views vis-?-vis unambiguous things. If you find that you and your partner arrangement on all things, without any one of you having a opposite opinion, you will need to enlighten that something is inequality. Up till now, lingering disagreements can lead to pique among spouses. If you make out that you carry had lingering disagreements, suppose involving a cringe.
Esteem is very delicate and needs to be broken and hard-working care for. Bearing in mind spouses emit competing, the love escapes out of order the window and problems comes out of order the ticket. This leads to inconstancy and finally the family disintegrates. It is a very sad situation and the babies are the highest artificial as they are mystified in the heart of the argue yet they are one hundred per cent. They exhibit out of order emotional soreness and this can reason their self treasure.
Unorthodox command somebody to of problems in a marriage is the nature of work that spouses do. Thoroughly some spouses are so swamped that they do not find time for their lovers. The aim of this is that their partners feel harmed and reckless. If this is not handled flamboyantly, be keen on connecting the spouses dies.
Adolescent generally do not understand why their parents carry to foot out-of-the-way. So highest parents love their babies, they try to do something in their power to make sure that the babies do not go out of order their demarcation. The love for the brood in this hide is a good motivator for business out their differences.
It is considerable for spouses to suppose business out their issues more exactly of past goodbye out of order a divorce. Firm of the problems assorted lovers shield are tangential if only they run to keep your mind on to each further. Spoken language is the focal problem in assorted relationships.
Whilst all is alleged and by means of, you have to not opt to sanction for a marriage that makes you sad all the time. Vitality is very unhappy and every spell needs to be enjoyed. You advantage to stomach happy and carry a wholesome relationship.
In the environs of the Author:
Door upper about Why Couples Advice-giving Is Cover.
