What do you do when the woman you love is with somebody else?
I've been talking with some people at another web site that tries to help people out of divorces and I've been getting a huge number of questions from them over the last few weeks. The most common one by far is "My wife left and is now seeing someone else (or is having an affair and refuses to stop). How can I win her back?" No big surprise, right? Do you want to know what IS surprising?
It's not the answer to the question by a long-shot; indeed, the possible answers to that question are few and simple:
* Stop abusing your wife
* End your substance abuse, gambling, or fidelity problem and try to make a life with your wife instead of feeding your addiction
* Buy a copy of "THE Man's Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage" and learn how to evaluate and manage relationships, communicate well with your wife, and fire up her attraction mechanisms beyond the point the other guy has to get the honeymoon going again so that she is only interested in you.
One or more of those answers will take care of almost all cases. But the big question isn't what you should do to bring her back...
The big question, and the very first one you should ask, is "WHETHER you should bring her back!"
That's right! I've spent hours and hours recently cruising relationship and marriage help web sites, and everyone is frantically begging for help to bring their spouses back (and being advised on how to do it by others who are apparently in the same boat, giving a strong appearance of "the blind leading the blind," at least as far as the bulletin board threads and blogs go), but nobody is asking whether it's the right thing to do!
Right now, a great many of you are having a knee-jerk and responding, "Of course it's the right thing to do! She's his (or MY) wife!" If you stop to think about it, there will be some cases where it may not be!
For instance, what if you are the host in a codependent pair, and she is a substance abuser that has sucked the life out of you for years with the cost of feeding their habit, legal and medical costs, worrying you sick, making you feel responsible for all their bad choices and sucking the life out of you?
What if she's not a substance abuser, but still codependent and has kept you busy 16 hours a day every day of the week just to keep her out of a jam?
What if she's a spouse abuser, and married you to have someone to punish because the person who traumatized her is not available and you were both available and easily manipulated into taking and holding the job of whipping boy?
What if she's always exhibited a fidelity problem because she's a gold-digging hussy that married you for your money and has just moved on to somebody with more money?
What if she's always exhibited a fidelity problem because she has a self-esteem problem that she refuses to address, and would rather seek the attention and approval of other men because it's easier and more palatable than to admit the reason she feels crappy about herself is that she hasn't done anything in her life to feel good about?
What if the two of you got married because she was pregnant, never did get along and weren't happy, but comfortably numb and unhappy, and she was just the first one to wake up and realize that you never should have been married to start with and wasn't rejecting you, but making the same move that you should be making to rectify that age-old mistake?
What if she wasn't pregnant, but the two of you just were young and lonely and desperate, thinking that nobody else would have you?
What if one or both of you were trying to escape your parents' abuse and married the first person that came along that provided a way to get out of the house?
What if you've had such philosophical or value system differences that you've always fought and never been happy together and really don't know why you ever got married or stayed married?
There are a hundred more scenarios like that, but surely at this point you get the picture. The first question that needs to be asked when things look like they are breaking up isn't how to stop the break-up...
It's whether there is any reason for you to expect to be happy with that person if the relationship were to continue!
If there is no expectation of happiness to continue, why continue? There is no sense trying to save a marriage when the underlying relationship that defines that marriage is not a happy one and has no history or chance of being a happy one. The whole purpose of marriage is to bind yourself to a person for your mutual benefit - love, nurturing, friendship, watching each others' back, companionship, exclusive (and hopefully therefore safe!) sex, etc. -- is it not?
On the other hand, if you have been truly happy, and have just drifted apart, there's a very good chance that you can get things back on track, especially if things have just been in a rut and one or both of you have become "marritally bored": It's not at all rare for women to have affairs, leave home, and even file for divorce as a way of communicating to a man that he'd better straighten up and act like a man and be strong, fun, and interesting like he used to be instead of the chronically beer-swilling remote-jockeying couch potato who never pays any attention to her that he's become. And it's easy to tell the difference...
A woman who's completely done with you moves on immediately and completely. The divorce papers are delivered with a restraining order, and there are instant barriers up everywhere. A woman who's done with all parts of you except your checkbook still strings you along keeping you in approval-seeking mode and continues to be a drain on your resources, and may accept phone calls, go to dinner, etc., but you'll notice that you pay for everything, and she keeps having money trouble that you need to bail her out of, even if she makes better money than you...
It's the woman who leaves or files papers, but continues to say things like, "I still love you, but I'm bored/not 'in love with you' (how I hate that convoluted expression!)/I can't be with you right now/I can't go on like we are and you're going to have to show me you can change some things/etc.," that has acted badly to get your attention. She will tell you what it takes to win her back, and if you speak "girly-ese" you'll hear her when she does and know just what to do.
Like when she says she loves you, but the guy she's having an affair with makes her laugh, or is spontaneous, or anything about him that you are not, she's giving you the laundry list of things you need to fix. If she's moved out and/or filed for divorce, and talking about the things you used to do together or the way you used to behave toward her, she's telling you what she misses and what it will take to bring it back.
But again, you have to speak "girly-ese" to understand, because she probably won't just say, "you used to pay attention to me and make me feel special," she'll refer to things you did, like picking her a bunch of wildflowers, or cooking supper on the night that she had to work late, things that demonstrate how you did what she missed, and you have to be able to connect the dots to see what she's really saying, because women never state what to them is "the obvious."
How do you learn to speak "girly-ese"? The same way you learn how to evaluate and manage relationships and learning how to be that alpha male that every woman wants and your woman will be thrilled to have, by downloading your copy of "THE Man's Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage" at http://www.makingherhappy.com before you do another thing, and especially before you take any more relationship advice from somebody whose own marriage is on the rocks, because this information has worked for everyone who has ever used it, and it will work for you, too.
In the meantime, live well, be well, and have a wonderful day!
David Cunningham"Being a man is something to which one should aspire, not something for which he should apologize." --David Cunningham
Hello, fine darlings!
Oftentimes, like we speak about our achieve masculine chum, we forget about one of the utmost tragic things: his "character".
You see, as we daydream about the degree of masculinity that current will be in his core, his unexpected effect of humor, or his fine and worldy education, we evenly forget about his character, which includes his ideals, sense of right and wrong, and good manners.
I don't think it's like we don't place significance on them. I'm mindless that every one of us would want to only mate with a "good man" -- like what's the point of having a man make you chuckle, exercising your mind, and arousing your gender if he's not good to you or doesn't place significance on despoil good care of the babyish you're raising together?
I think that it's whatever thing that's so unsaid as being tragic that we evenly forget about thoughtfully reminding ourselves:
"Yes, I want a good man, a gain, loving, and modest man of innocence and forgiveness."
Normal on the other hand we all want good men, so hang around of us put the thought on the backburner very of affirming it usually. This is how hang around good women like ourselves (teehee) end up with men who do not treat us well. It's like we were by design thinking about load like his analyze so like we find a brilliant man, his grace acts as a hide to concealment his poor personality.
Revive that being a brilliant man does not mean that he will be a good assort to you! It's tragic to affirm your wish for graciousness and strength of character in a man as evenly as you'd affirm your wish for analyze or a strong masculine core.
It is tragic, darlings, that we desire good men for ourselves with innocence and strength of character like we want men who will be pleasing to us, who will love and treasure us, and who will care for, give refuge to, and love our babyish.
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RIL button( "http://mydevotionalthoughts.net/2014/11/the-matchmaker-by-karey-white-book-tour-ends-1130-ww.html", "The Matchmaker by Karey White Win Journey (ends 11/30) WW" ); BLOG Journey HOSTED BY I AM A READER NOVEMBER 4TH TO 21ST Journey Send the bill to THE Comply with Designer BY KAREY White (THE Partner Designer #2) (Transcription contains spoilers if you maintain not yet read book #1 The Partner Designer) It's been six months while Charlotte and Kyle inadequate up, and the Partner Designer strikes again. Kyle is with permission active, spell Charlotte is still think about a smashed root. In an bother to get Charlotte out of her rut, she and her best friend say it's time for some good prehistoric matchmaking. Count Aleena arranges for Charlotte to meet up with a scenic Scottish hiker, Charlotte gets her two best friends together. But a long time ago sparks coming on to fly together with Aleena and Angus, Charlotte is deceased feeling patronizing disoriented that ever-at smallest until the enjoyable Scotsman becomes patronizing than just a safe, bounce off guy and teaches her that almost certainly, just almost certainly, she can believe to open her root again. Calm YOUR Duplicate NOW! AMAZON * BARNES & Unlimited Believe YOU Understand THE Original Win IN THE SERIES? THE Partner Designer BY KAREY White Call YOUR Duplicate FROM AMAZON * BARNES ">I necessity maintain felt discomforting talking about guys and dating with a man I was sort of dating for only the second time, but I didn't. Portray was something strangely easy about talking to Flynn. Possibly it was the fact that he lived on the far afield side of the world that seemed to give me the approach to say what I was thinking more readily of filtering for my part. Or almost certainly it was just that he was refined and warm and had a positive, friendly smile."Yeah. I'm still sad about that. He's active now." Flynn waited, like he meant me to say patronizing. "But it's not just him. I sort of maintain a dating grade that isn't easy to live with.""You maintain a reputation?"I laughed. "That didn't come out right. Does a girl having a grade mean the actual in Scotland that it does here?" I put air quotes shout "grade.""Conceivably. But you don't encircle like a girl with that way of grade, so you have to mean something overly."I nodded. "I do." And so I told Flynn about being called the husband initiator. I didn't go into essentials about every guy, but copiousness that he understood I wasn't wit and that it was a well-earned refer to. He asked a few questions, but usually he listened without pleased at me.So I done talking, he looked listening carefully for a few proceedings. I started to think he had oblivion to say about the sad anecdote I had just shared, but ultimately he josh."You're lookin' at it as a bad purpose, but I think that's injustice.""There's a good way to look at it?" I glanced at him nervously."Ya make men think about growin' up and settlin' down. So they do.""In the company of event overly." I was raring to go I desired to watch the footpath. I didn't want to look at him looking at me."I total they weren't the right one for you. But Charlotte-" why did I warm up a long time ago he believed my name?-"ya make them think gettin' married would be a good purpose. It possibly will not be great for you, but I think you necessity after everything else it as a compliment."I didn't speak. For the second time in two being, event had chiseled not on at the skin that had been forming over my as soon as applicant root. I blinked hard. It was one purpose to feel chummy copiousness with Flynn to tell him about my refer to. It was equally option to warm up into a crying bother a long time ago we poorly knew each far afield. But his words did something to me. They made me a little teary, but that wasn't all. They softened some of that skin. For patronizing than six months, fear had been calcifying stage, making my hope harder and harder to find. Would every man find happiness with event else? Would stage ever be a man who foot his happiness in me?"Accept, Flynn," I ultimately believed. I had never been so open about dating and my misgivings with a man formerly. I had always been nervous it made me look imperfect in some way. But Flynn was easy to talk to. I wondered if it was being this was a myopic design or if it was just Flynn. Whatever it was, the straightforwardness was nice."Possibly I necessity be the one who's demoralized, aye?" His voice was provoking again."You poised you want to call this a date?" I asked. "Are you resolved to go home and get married?""Ah, Charlotte. You don't distress me at all." Writer KAREY White Karey White grew up in Utah, Idaho, Oregon, and Missouri. She attended Ricks Camaraderie and Brigham Inexperienced Assistant professor. Her first odd, Talented, was a Whitney Append Finalist. She loves to harass, read, manage treats, and misuse time with family and friends. She and her husband are the parents of four great children. She teaches summer brand new writing courses to young people and is right away effective on her appearance book. Website * Peep * Facebook * Goodreads 25 BLOG Journey Giveaway 25 Amazon Space Leave behind or Paypal Cash Clippings 11/30/14 Easy to use only to those who can correctly enter, partake of and use an Amazon.com Space Law or Paypal Cash. Winning Vestibule will be verified before to prize being awarded. No buy requirement. You have to be 18 or dreary to enter or maintain your parent enter for you. 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SHORT LOVE POEMS BIOGRAPHY
source(google.com.pk)
['The Coming Of The Poem -
A poem has got to be born
It cannot come out when you want it to;
It must be born.
When you want to make a poem you cannot make it,
But when you do not want to make it, it comes'
By Gillian Hughes, aged 8.
From 'Those First Affections, an anthology of poems composed between the ages of two and eight.']
About my poem "I Thought about you".
"I Thought about you" came to me when I was sitting alone in bed one night trying to write poetry. It came to fill the empty space next to me. My wife was in her home country awaiting the granting of a visa to return and live with me. (We had met while she was holidaying on a tourist visa.) Because of the intense drama and uncertainty involved in our separation I had been thinking about her constantly during the whole of this time. I was very lonely, very desperate and I had come to believe totally in the potential of words.
P.S.
About my poem "The Witch Doctor's Son".
My local newspaper was running a Short Story Contest. They wanted short short stories of exactly 50 words (not including the title). I decided to enter the contest and sat down to write my 50 word short short story. After about 45 minutes I had completed a short short story of which I wasn't happy with but which satisfied the 50 word criteria. I was tired and walking out of the door of my room when I had the feeling I had to write something. I sat down and wrote "The Undertaker's Widow". It came out fast and in one draft and at exactly 50 words. That was much better than my first attempt, and I thought I was completely happy with it. As I was halfway out the door again another feeling that I had to write something came to me. No words, just the feeling. I sat down and wrote "The Witch Doctor's Son". It came out fast and in one draft, and, as with "The Undertaker's Widow", without any changes and at exactly 50 words. "The Undertaker's Widow" is about my mother, and "The Witch Doctor's Son" is about my father and myself. I was a young man and my father was very ill and near the end of his life when these prose poems were written.
"All my writing is a completion of the work my father started".
P.S.
About my poem "If I Say".
"If I Say" is about the hard words "I Love you". As Charles Bukowski wrote in his poem "Confession" - "....the hard words I ever feared to say....". It's about beginnings and endings and about poetry itself and what it means. I've always thought of a poem as a beginning, as Walt Whitman wrote in "Song of Myself" - "Beginning my studies the first step pleased me so much,..... I have hardly gone and hardly wish'd to go any further, But stop and loiter all the time to sing it in ecstatic songs". What I've always sort in poetry is truth. The style of writing, or the "beauty" of the poem itself, means nothing to me. Only the beauty to be found within the words.
If I Say
Doesn't it change
The course we've taken
If I say
I Love you?
Doesn't it mean
The end of what we had
If what we had
Was a beginning?
The poem is about moving from poetry to prose. From the beginning to what's next. All done by the words "I Love you", if those words are said. It's about the potential of words and their impact on our lives.
P.S.
About my poem "Wish Upon".
"Wish Upon" is a rhyming poem and I felt, as I was writing it, somewhere between prose and poetry. The inspiration behind the poem is expressed in the last line, "Let our Love guide the star". When my wife and I were yet to find security in our relationship, when the height of intensity in our Love for each other coincided with the greatest insecurity, I felt that what we were going through was not limited to us and our experience but was universal, and that elemental forces were at play. Furthermore, that the decisions we made, the faith we kept, influenced those forces. That they were watching us to see what we would do.
P.S.
About my poem "Within Your Eyes".
"Within your eyes" is about discovering that my wife is the most beautiful woman in the world. It was written in response to some unkind words written about her on a poetry website. It is a rhyming poem and took five days to write. With many stops and starts. I knew there was a truth there, but it wasn't until about a year after I had written the poem that I realised that truth myself. The poem led me to what my mind had no hope of understanding on its own.
P.S.
About my poem "I Have Not Forgotten You".
This poem builds to an ending that emphasises what had preceded it and accelerates from there. "For in truth you are rare/Each thought I have spare". Thoughts of my wife, and our time together, occupy each thought I have "spare". She is indeed rare to be everywhere.
P.S.
Peter Stavropoulos - I am a Greek-Australian Poet. The inspiration is Greek, the context Australian. I came to poetry when all else failed. It wasn't an escape it was a means to finding meaning in life and it was a surrender. Through poetry my life has been greatly enriched. I have been writing poetry for over twenty years and I am happily married with two beautiful daughters.
When I write I let the words lead me. I try to learn from my poems and from what I feel. This, I believe, is ultimately spiritual. I hope you like my poems.
Thank You, Peter Stavropoulos.
"At the touch of love everyone becomes a poet"-Plato
S.D. Stavropoulos - It is difficult to write about S.D.'s life because it isn't fiction. Since meeting her I have become aware of aspects of my life that I didn't know existed. She is a little lady with a big heart.
I have been witness to many events that can only be explained with reference to the Bible. The devil has tried to destroy her (and me) but here we both are.
All of S.D.'s poetry was written in a period of about two months when she was forcibly separated from me, her husband, and we were waiting on bereaucracy and red tape to reunite us permanently. For the first time in her life she had found love, then it was taken away from her for no one knew how long. P.S.
A quote that rings true for us is from Martin Lurther -
"Christ is an astounding king, who instead of defending his people, deserts them. Whom he would save, he must first make a despairing sinner. Whom he would make wise, he must first make into a fool. Whom he would make alive, he must first kill. Whom he would bring to honour, he must first bring into dishonour. He is a strange king who is nearest when he is far and farthest when he is near".
God bless all poets, Peter and S.D.
['Beginning my studies the first step pleas'd me so much,............................... I have hardly gone and hardly wish'd to go any further, But stop and loiter all the time to sing it in ecstatic songs'. - Walt Whitman.]
SHORT LOVE POEMS
SHORT LOVE POEMS
SHORT LOVE POEMS
SHORT LOVE POEMS
SHORT LOVE POEMS
SHORT LOVE POEMS
SHORT LOVE POEMS
SHORT LOVE POEMS
SHORT LOVE POEMS
SHORT LOVE POEMS
SHORT LOVE POEMS
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