A reader asks how to find some time in a busy schedule to spend with her husband. In her case, and maybe in yours as well, finding time isn't possible because it just isn't there to find. When When there's none to be found, you have to make some!
I love hearing from the women who subscribe to this newsletter as much as the men. Their questions are just as relevant and they prove that women really do want time with their men to be intimate and nurturing and to have some fun. Meet K.:
Hello David,
I have a question for you. My husband and I work together as we own our own construction company. We are together 24 hours a day, and need to find a way that we can spend time together but not as work. It seems like when we get home we are too tired to have any intimate time together and when we are at work we are AT WORK. I want to know how I can separate work from pleasure with him. We don't have much family that we can rely on to take our son, and the one's that we do have that take him are sick right now. So when we need our alone time we want it.
How can we get this?
K
My reply:
Good morning, K!
Under the constraints you've listed, you can't, so you're going to have to make some changes, at least small ones. You're going to have to change your priorities to make that time together actually important enough to take it, and then manage your schedule so that you can, no matter what that takes. Maybe until your babysitters get well, you might have to schedule one day a week where the two of you disappear at lunchtime for an hour or longer, to an intimate lunch or a hotel or whatever, or schedule a late opening one morning so that you can have a little while at home after your child has gone to school before going to work, or something like that. How you do it isn't important as long as it doesn't destroy your business, but you have to schedule the time and then take the time instead of just waiting for a window to open.
I'm all about achievement and getting the job done, and this was a very hard lesson for me to learn as well; very early in my own marriage, my wife and I were both over-achievers and found ourselves in serious trouble before we realized that while we love each other dearly, we had inadvertently let our work schedules take over our lives, and had evolved from husband and wife into roommates and business partners. That was one of the problems that led to me doing the research to write "THE Man's Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage," and one of the first problems that I put to the test group to solve.
It turned out they all had it to some degree, either with spending all their time with their jobs or their kids, and for most, just scheduling one date and one lunch per week was enough to keep them close and engaged while continuing to get things more under control, and all of them found that once the schedule was made and acknowledged, it was very easy to keep to their commitments as long as they were smart about scheduling the time, avoiding times that were common for meetings, times that were in the middle of project start-ups, times that were during peak customer flow or when they knew they would have problems getting a sitter, etc., and they always secured a sitter before planning the date - "We need a couple hours some evening this week; when would be good for you?" was the question. And when the sitter gave them a date, it was set in stone, and only an event that produced fever or lots of blood was a good excuse for breaking the babysitting engagement and spoiling the date.
This isn't as hard as what it may sound. An hour or two per week isn't going to make that big a difference in your business, if any, and it will make a world of difference in your life together. Just realize that you're together for the long haul, and you should therefore try to give each other the best part of your day instead of what's left over after everybody and everything else has worn you out all day.
Speaking of which, when you do schedule an evening date, try to keep your day-time schedule a little lighter than other days to make sure you aren't too tired to enjoy the time together, and never let yourself think that you are too tired to enjoy some time together without at least trying it. You'd be surprised how rejuvenating a little intimate, playful time together can be, because it gets your adrenaline pumping. Sometimes a long day doesn't create so much fatigue as it does simple frustration and depression, and some time together in celebration of a job well done and a rough work day brought to a close can be the best pick-me-up of all.
And if you're really all that tired and need some low-energy together time, pile up together on the couch with a drink and a bowl of popcorn or anything that can be shared, sit close, clink the bottles or glasses in a toast, and just be still and relax together. No, it's not steamy sex on a yacht or hiking in the Andes or some deep emotional discussion, but when you're that tired at the end of a long day of over-achieving, even that quiet, mindless time spent in the intimate ritual of sharing food and entertainment is better than just crashing and forgetting about it. Do whatever you are able to do to indulge in what husbands and wives enjoy doing together.
Give this a try, and let me know if I can be of further help. You can do this.
Take care, and keep in touch!
David
A lot of couples make this mistake. They try to find time instead of making time, not realizing that when your life is in overdrive, even small amounts of time scattered through the week can make a huge difference in keeping your relationship on track, and if a couple hours a week is going to make the difference between your business folding or succeeding or the difference in you being able or unable to pay your household bills, you've got bigger problems than you realize and need to be finding some professional help. It's like arguing over a nickel at the cash register; if that nickel is going to break either you or the vendor, you're already broke.
Make the time for what's important, and get your priorities straight. You will most likely outlive your career, your parents, and your friends by a very long time, and while you may not outlive your children, they will be moving out of your house somewhere around age 20 and you won't be seeing that much of them after they are gone. Your partner, on the other hand, is supposed to be with you for life, right? Common sense should tell you that your partner should therefore be your first priority, and if they are not, then you need to stop and figure out whether your priorities are wrong or you're with the wrong partner.
Finding a new job, making new friends, or even making new babies is relatively easy compared to finding a true life partner and soul mate, and if you've found one and lose them, that lengthens the odds of finding another somewhat, does it not? Look at your life, and get your priorities in order, and then do whatever it takes to support those priorities. Yes, it's really that simple.
When it comes to your partner, Gentlemen, doing what it takes to keep her happy and striving to nurture and excite you is a simple matter of communications and manliness, something you aren't taught in school, and have no hope of learning from watching television unless you're able to home in on that tiny percentage of programming that shows men and women being men and women, and not this homogenized New Age mess of political correctness and utter wussification and victim mentality that seems to be swallowing the world.
For a tested and proven, tutorial and definitive reference on "keeping mama happy so she keeps everybody happy," go to http://www.makingherhappy.com and download your copy of "THE Man's Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage." Life's too short to let it pass under-lived and unenjoyed, and as anybody who has ever used it will tell you, this book is "the hook-up" you've been looking for.
In the meantime, live well, be well, and have a wonderful day!
David Cunningham"Being a man is something to which one should aspire, not something for which he should apologize." --David Cunningham
"This week's article comes from BETTY MAHALIK, one of our own S+EI Certified Coaches. This article deals with positive psychology and the tremendous positive impact this can have on coaching our clients and on ourselves. In fact, this topic is so important, we have added an advanced course on positive psychology to the course line-up here at the The Institute for Social + Emotional Intelligence. Betty's blog post on this topic is definitely worth your time and an excellent article."
Last week I received one of those blog messages that I believe has changed my life. It was from Rick Hanson, neuropsychologist and author of a book I'm reading called Buddha's Brain, that links current neuroscience research findings with ancient practices such as meditation. His message, backed by research was this: focusing on the positive REALLY WORKS to grow your brain, increase your emotional balance and generally make you a happier, healthier person.
I've always prided myself on being a positive person, but Rick's article took the idea of positivity to a whole new level for me. You see it's not enough to simply think positive thoughts or keep a gratitude journal or count your blessings. Those are fine as far as they go. But the real juice-that research is now validating as vital for improving your mood, attitude and your health-comes from INTERNALIZING those positive experiences at a deep level, using multi-sensory images to "burn" them into your brain. I recently explained it to a coaching client like this: using all of your faculties, reenact the positive experience and then imagine that the positive emotions being triggered are sinking down into your whole body like butter melting into a hot English muffin.
Want to try it? Start right now by recalling a positive moment from the past 24 hours. It might be something as simple as a trip through the produce department of the grocery store to something more emotionally meaningful like a loving conversation with a friend or family member. Now in vivid detail recall that experience with as much sensory memory as you can muster. What color were the fruits and veggies? What color was your friend or family member wearing? What else did you notice during the experience? What smells do you recall? Was there a particularly loving expression or a smile your loved one was wearing? What did you hear? Were there any particular sounds or words you want to recall from the experience?
Once you've reenacted the experience with as much imagery as possible, now imagine all of the positive emotions you experienced seeping down through your brain, spreading into your body, neck, back, shoulders and heart. Stay with the imagery and the sensations of love, peace and well-being for as long as you want. You can do this exercise in as little as 30 seconds or take a longer 2-3 minute positivity break. According to Hanson, the longer you can hold the images and feelings the stronger the beneficial effect on your brain: "The longer that something is held in awareness and the more emotionally stimulating it is, the more neurons that fire and thus wire together, and the stronger the trace in implicit memory."
This practice not only sharpens your recall of the positive things in life, (something many of us have a hard time doing because of a built-in survival bias for noticing the negative), it actually builds more positive neural activity in the brain, which has a beneficial effect on everything from your productivity to your health, according to Hanson's research. It also strengthens your ability to experience more positive emotions in the moment.
Keep paying attention to the positive and here's what Hanson says begins to happen: "Over time you will fill up your cup, overcoming the negativity bias of your brain with a growing, inside-out sense of happiness, love, and peace."
Don't know about you, but I think our world and each of us as individuals could do with a growing, inside-out sense of happiness, love and peace.
I've noticed since I started consciously taking positivity breaks that I'm calmer, more centered, naturally more grateful and I'm paying attention to the little joy-filled moments of everyday rather than waiting for the "biggies" to happen and being disappointed when those so-called big moments don't live up to my inflated expectations. I also notice that I'm replaying those negative memories and moments less frequently, another benefit to the positivity practice!
Every moment is a gift. This year I invite you to start engaging in regular positivity breaks. Train your brain to "take in the good" and develop the daily habit of reviewing those small but precious moments of happiness that often flit by unnoticed.
Okay I'll take the lead and declare today a special occasion: National Positivity Day! Now it's your turn to help create a groundswell of positive experiences and emotions. Go ahead and take a positivity break....take in the good....feel the love.
Have a positively wonderful day, week, month and year!
If you have an interest in learning more about positive psychology and how it can be used in coaching social + emotional intelligence, our next class starts Thursday, March 7th. You can view the entire schedule by visiting www.the-isei.com/advancedcourses
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Wusses are made, not born (with rare genetic exceptions, of course), and the only kind of women who want them for anything more than casual friendship are sadly their own mothers and the parasites and predators who can take something from them. How are they made? That's easy...
I caught something on television recently that I can't get out of my head, partially because it's offensive to me and partially because there is a lesson in it for all of you. And it's not one that is easy to teach, so I'm going to ask you to bear with me.
First of all, some of the examples I'm going to have to use have potential political implications, and we're not here to discuss politics. There could also be controversy over whether what I'm about to show you is coincidental, accidental, or deliberate.
For the purpose of this exercise, I'm going to ask you to ignore all of that and look strictly at the mechanics and psychology of what is really happening so that you can learn this universal process and not only protect yourself from its dark side, but use it to better yourself. So turn off the emotions, political bias, conspiracy theory machine, etc., put on your thinking cap and hang with me for a minute while I set up the lesson, because you need to be cold and ruthlessly logical to get through it with maximum benefit.
Sometimes it's late in the day before I find inspiration for the content of this newsletter; I prefer to do it as the very first thing after in the morning after responding to whatever reader e-mails are in my Inbox when I first sit down at my computer, but the world doesn't always work the way I want it to. Sometimes I can receive as many as 600 e-mails from readers in a day and not be able to use anything out of them for a newsletter, either because of the appropriateness of the content or not being able to obtain permission to reprint their letter in time (I'm a stickler for reader privacy).
When that happens and I end up not being able to process a newsletter until late evening, my wife likes to watch some flavor of the CSI (Crime Scene Investigation) series on television while I work, and I hear it in the background but pretty much ignore it. A few nights ago I heard something that caught my attention.
The investigative team was standing in a metal building with about a hundred bullet holes scattered all over the walls, and one of the guys had looked it over and was reporting to his colleagues that it was a 9 mm, and then tagged onto the end of the sentence, "probably semi-automatic."
For those of you who don't know much about firearms, that means that you pull the trigger, one shot is fired, and the next round is chambered and the weapon cocked and ready to fire, but it does not fire until the trigger is released and pulled again. A firearm that will keep rapidly shooting round after round for as long as you hold the trigger pulled is fully automatic, also called a "sub-machine gun" if it uses pistol ammunition, or simply "machine gun" if it fires rifle ammunition, and fully automatic is what the scene looked like and what was being implied. Semi-automatic rifle fire has no distinguishing characteristics whatsoever. You can't tell it from pump, lever-action, bolt-action, break-breech, revolver, pepper box, or any other form of rifle or pistol fire, because there is no spray of bullets.
A few minutes later in the show, they had finally figured out how all the bullet holes were put in the wall. Some boys had held up a very long bamboo cane, about 30 feet tall, run the cane through the trigger guard of a fully automatic sub-machine pistol and pulled the trigger back with a wire tie just before giving it a spin and letting it spiral its way down the cane pole constantly firing. Yes, stupid, and one of the kids got shot through the chest. It would also be quite impossible with a SEMI-automatic weapon, because the trigger has to be released and pressed again to fire multiple rounds.
Incidentally, is anyone at this point wondering where the hundred-plus bullet holes came from when a single magazine, holding no more than 30 rounds, was in the weapon? Sometimes I'm more amused by the continuity and other errors in TV and movies than I am the script and acting.
Getting back to the lesson, here's the important part: For everyone who didn't know the difference between a "semi-automatic" and "fully automatic" firearm, they thought that the fully automatic sub-machine pistol shown spraying bullets all over the building was semi-automatic because that's what they heard. Not true, and extremely misleading.
A semi-automatic pistol is simply the pistol that most police officers and military personnel carry in their holsters (and those I've asked about their preference for semi-automatics over the old-style revolver said they preferred the extra ammunition capacity, not its ability to fire faster), because the CSI officer erroneously said that's what it was. And now those who don't know any better will hear the mention of "semi-automatic weapons" on the news and think it's a special menace to be feared and actively combated and that anyone who owns one must be a criminally-insane gangster.
Intentional or not, that is what's called "disinformation." Someone shows you something that is incorrect or misleads you to assume something incorrect and you have a tendency to accept it as correct because of the source, or because you see it a lot, and the message, although wrong, is consistent.
A lie or error told often enough becomes the perceived truth, or more accurately, the "believed" truth, but NOT the truth. Political and religious leaders have capitalized on that fact for millennia. The Earth is at the center of the universe and it's flat and you'll sail off the edge of it if you go too far in any direction and then be swallowed by a many-headed monster. Bleeding someone with leeches will cure any ailment. Governments love and serve their people faithfully, selflessly, and flawlessly.
And women want nice guys. Remember?
Yes, that lie has been told for decades. Look at what you see on television today. Stunningly beautiful women running around with hopeless wusses and acting like they're "Studly Do-Right," totally ignoring the fact that the guys are dressed sloppily, don't project an ounce of intelligence, sense of humor, social skills, leadership skills, or most importantly, self-respect. They're not even masculine; they're nerdy girly-men, the kind most girls would like to take shopping, not take on any sort of romantic interlude, adventure, or sexual escapade.
Back to our lesson. Men are consistently shown on television and in movies as being sub-average, bumbling jackasses who can't make a decision to save their life, and yet they still get the girl at the end of the show, and to beat it all, they cry for joy and thank her for the privilege of being seen with her. (I'm so sick of those commercials for Sonic restaurants making men look like idiots that I joined John Alanis long ago in boycotting Sonic, and wrote them a letter telling them so.)
When you see that all the time, there's something that happens in your subconscious mind that tells you that you should be acting as those guys do. They have what you want, and if you do what they do, you'll have what they have. But your subconscious mind doesn't know that it's only television fantasy; it can't discriminate like that. Visual images of things that are entirely fantasy and starkly contrary to the nature of the universe may trigger conscious protest, but they are still accepted by the subconscious mind if you are exposed enough. It's the first rule of propaganda: The lie told often enough becomes "the truth"
- accepted as truth by those who don't know or seek the facts, but not really true.
However! Awareness can override this negative programming, and better still, you can use this same principle to lift yourself up! Instead of watching wusses give all men a bad name on television, hang out with successful friends who are happy with their lives and have the alpha male tendencies that women enjoy! Since your environment can program you, let it program you for success instead of failure!
But that means doing something really smart: You have to acknowledge your betters as potential mentors and positive influences instead of envying their success and resenting them. Can you handle that? Can you handle hanging around with one or more guys who have a strong personality that women love and are successful at what they pursue?
No, they don't have to be "filthy stinking rich" to be successful. Wealth-building is a skill like any other and comes with a lot of stress, particularly the stress of protecting earned wealth, and aggressively building wealth is not every man's goal or even a priority. Some men prefer to succeed at fishing, hunting, wood or metal working, rebuilding cars, throwing darts, collecting stamps - you name it. But a man who succeeds at one thing will generally succeed at many things, because he has the formula - and he can demonstrate it to you simply by you being around him.
This isn't rocket science, Gentlemen. Not by a long shot. Do you recall hearing an axiom called "Occam's Razor"? "The simplest explanation is most often the correct one." By the same token, the simplest paths to success are most often the best. And what can be simpler than exposing yourself to people who are what you want to be and just letting it all soak in?
If you hear hooves beating behind you, do you think "horse" or "zebra"? There's a reason clich'es become clich'es: they're so universally true and therefore so frequently quoted that people get tired of hearing them. At least in most cases.
Some would have you believe that you can never understand what a woman says or what she really wants. I believed it for a long time, as did many who came before you, until it came down to a do-or-die situation and I had to learn. How do you think I learned? Did I go to Tibet and ask the Dali Lama, or to Rome to ask the Pope? Did I consult ancient mystical texts like the Bible, Qur'an, or Cabbala? Did I seek the counsel of alien races? Or contact the dead through a crystal ball? Did I ask all my buddies who were as unhappy and stressed out as I was? Hardly. I did something utterly bizarre...
I asked a group of women!
I had to learn to speak "girly-ese" (some of my readers are calling it "feminese" and I rather like that one, too) before I could make sense of a lot of what they wanted to tell me, but believe me, they wanted me and every man alive to know. All this time that we've been shaking our heads in frustration because we can't understand them, they've been angry and frustrated because they didn't know we didn't understand and thought we were choosing to ignore them. Imagine that!
In the end, they are neither complex, weak nor stupid. They're just enough like us to make us think that they're entirely like us and therefore just different enough to drive us crazy sometimes, but they are simple (not quite so simple as us, but still simple), strong, smart, and one hell of a lot of fun to be around once you tune in and gain their trust - they're mostly emotionally driven, and want more than anything to feel safe in feeling anything for you, lest their emotions be used against them as they have many times in the past, like when date after date said, "I'll call you tomorrow," or "Sure, I'll still respect you in the morning." If you don't believe me, just ask them. There are several on our forum, http://forum.makingherhappy.com/ who love to answer questions like that. Join us and learn!
What you need to know is how we're alike and how we're different, and in plain language, not an encyclopedia full of psycho-babble. You need to learn to speak girly-ese, which sounds a whole lot like whatever language you speak, but the protocols are different. You need to know things about a woman's emotional make-up, like the fact that being bored is as detrimental to her health and ability to think rationally and make good choices as being terrified is to you. And you need to know how to flip her switches and ignite that spark that will never let her feel bored again and make her fight - indeed, to kick the crap out of a running saw mill if necessary - to protect her relationship with you.
If you're interested, go to http://www.makingherhappy.com/ and download your copy of "THE Man's Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage" -- it's ALL in there, just as I described, in plain language that a child could understand (and a few smart-ass remarks just to keep you entertained as well!). And if you're not interested? Well, I hear you can get used to being in the dog house, getting yelled at all the time, and even getting divorced and losing everything you have in the process, but that's one challenge I'd just as soon skip.
In the meantime, live well, be well, and have a wonderful day!
David Cunningham "Being a man is something to which one should aspire, not something for which he should apologize." --David Cunningham
By definition a girdle, or corset, is a close fitting undergarment worn by women to smooth and tighten their curves. Years ago every woman wore one. Some of us still wear a girdle, but in a modified, lightweight version. What a nuisance, and nonsense it was, to be at the mercy of this object of torture! Like other women of her era, my mother struggled into hers out of vanity. But later, her girdle assumed mythic proportions and a dramatic role in our family. It became a precious object we had to protect.
After the end of World War I, political events filled our lives with uncertainty and required rapid decisions and many changes. I was an only child, born in the same small town as my parents, in Bzeziny, Poland. Goods were in short supply after The Great War, yet my father Syne, the oldest of four sons, proved to be resourceful in providing the basic necessities for his, and later, our family. As he grew older, he married and went to work in his father's winter clothing factory. My father and his well-known and overbearing father soon became involved in a financial dispute that created so much tension and conflict their relationship became unbearable. My father needed to escape the hostility and town gossip around him. He needed a change if he and his family were going to have a more free and secure future. His solution was to leave his hometown.
He and my mother agreed that he should go to Paris where a friend of his had secured a job for him. My father would send for us when he was financially stable and able to pay for us to join him. After many embraces and promises, my father left. He had no special skills or experience, and he was glad to get a job as a presser in a clothing factory where his friend was employed. The work was difficult and physically exhausting because of the hot steam and the long hours demanded. But after several years of hardship, he had saved enough to pay for train tickets for my mother and me. I was very young, not quite three years old and very upset that I had to leave my loving and indulgent grandparents with whom we had lived until then. I was the first granddaughter on both sides of my family, and was doted upon, even spoiled.
Shortly after we arrived in Paris, my father secured a job for my mother as a seamstress, work she was already adept at doing. I, however, was sick and forlorn, and promptly came down with whooping cough. Even then, a kind neighbor helped care for me while my parents worked. We lived in a flat with one room and a kitchenette, sharing with others the public toilet on each floor.
Despite the hardships, I had the wonderful chance to get closer to my father whom I did not know until we joined him in Paris. Eventually I was sent to a nursery school where I learned to speak French and to defend myself, at least verbally. The highlight of these early years, before my mother's corset turned to gold, was the day we moved to a larger apartment in which I had my own sofa bed in the dining room and was able to use the washroom on each landing. Life was good!
After a while, my parents' jobs were upgraded, yet they still worked very hard. Sometimes when I woke up in the middle of the night, I could hear the noise of the sewing machine going, especially if it was a rush job.
We missed our families, but kept in touch with them. My father was so glad to be independent. Mother, at times, sewed clothes for the two of us from catalogue pictures. She was gifted in that way. Sundays when we walked on the boulevards and sat at cafes, we felt good about ourselves, because we looked pretty spiffy. We lived frugally, but we managed somehow.
Luxuries were few, but my father did allow himself one small indulgence each week. He bought a ticket to the national lottery. If your ticket had the correct last digit of the five winning numbers, you received a free ticket for the following week's drawing. Time and time again, my father won a free ticket. He kept on playing, hoping that he would be even luckier in the future.
During this period in the early thirties, we began to read of Germany's war machine and its encroachment on other territories. We worried to the point of obsession about the horrible reports we were hearing from central Europe. We were glued to the radio hoping to hear that the Nazi advances and occupations had stopped. Soon the political and historical forces impacted us personally. My mother's youngest brother, Max, had settled in Berlin to avoid the Polish draft, but he soon felt endangered by staying in Germany. Jewish books were being burned, and synagogues and shops were being destroyed by unruly mobs.
Max was a "ma^itre d'" in the restaurant of an upscale hotel, and lived the comfortable and glamorous life of a handsome bachelor. Still, he feared for his life and wrote to us asking permission to come to Paris and stay with us. I took a great liking to him and his worldly and polished manners. He taught me how to dance, which I loved. We went to movies together, and he tried to teach me how to cook, along with introducing me to other fun activities. We soon became closer friends, and he found work in his profession.
When he heard from us about the lottery, Max asked to be partnered with my father in buying several tickets. They agreed. The morning that the results of this particular drawing were announced, my father read the numbers in the lottery column of the newspaper and exclaimed, "At least we won a free ticket!" He left happily for work, and when he returned for dinner, he picked up the paper again. Somehow his eyes wandered to the lottery results a second time; something puzzled him. He reviewed the numbers on his ticket again, and after a few seconds, he became agitated, leaped from his chair and yelled, "We won! We won!"
Indeed one of our tickets had all five numbers correct. The prize was an astonishing 50,000 francs. The excitement in our flat was unbelievable. We kept embracing one another and laughing. We were rich! Now what would we do with so much loot? Oh, so many possibilities. First we must take a trip to Poland to visit the family-and maybe gloat a little. We did, and the visit was oh so satisfying! The prodigal son had come back to his homeland bearing gifts, and I had the pleasure of meeting my cousins, two girls and one boy. We had so much fun together. Tragically, only one of my cousins survived the concentration camps. She married and settled in Montreal, and the friendship we began because of the lottery winnings led to many visits with one another in our later years.
When my family and I returned from Poland, we still had to make up our minds about how we would safeguard our windfall. My parents and I received 25,000 francs, and so did my uncle Max. My parents did not trust the French currency at that time because of the unstable political situation in Europe. They wanted to invest our money in a way that would be financially advantageous. So they exchanged the francs for English pounds, hoping this currency would be safer. Meanwhile my uncle decided to leave France. He turned in his English pounds and eventually was given a visa and settled in Tel Aviv in the country that would become Israel. There he attended school, learned Hebrew and eventually established a partnership with a known chef. They invested his winnings in a restaurant, which did very well.
The winds of war were moving closer and closer to us, becoming more worrisome every month. England entered the war in 1939, creating further financial uncertainty, so my parents exchanged their English pounds for US dollars, because America was not yet involved in the fighting. After more deliberations they decided that America was too far from them. How could they get their money out if the war spread? And then, of course, it did.
Finally, after much thought and many consultations with friends, my parents decided that gold coins would be the best solution. But the coins were large in size and denominations, and therefore heavy. This created yet another dilemma!
Now we had to determine how to safeguard the coins, or take them along, in case we had to leave our home suddenly. This was a real and frightening possibility. So once more my parents exchanged one currency for another, the large gold coins for smaller French Louis gold pieces. But where to put them? My parents pondered the problem, proposed and dismissed solutions. Then my mother came up with an idea that would allow her to hold the coins close to her at all times. "What if....?" she asked herself. An ingenious idea was forming in her head. She shared her scheme with my father. He was not convinced and kept pointing out the drawbacks: the weight, the physical and mental stress and the terror of discovery and reprisals.
My mother simply dismissed his well-founded objections and began to implement her plan. She intended to remove the stays of her corset, buy the proper material, and sew vertical gussets all around the bodice. The girdle would hold all the gold coins if she laid them flat, one above the other.
She followed through, one step at a time, creating the golden girdle. "Yes, yes! It worked!"
Oh, but how uncomfortable and painful it was for her to wear such armor. Whenever our family left the house, my father and I hooked her into this instrument of torture, he on one side and I on the other. She seldom went out alone these days during the war for fear of curfews and air raids. When we remained home, the corset remained in a safe (we hoped), an easily accessible hiding place in a seldom-used utility closet. Fearful days and restless nights followed. She often slept with the garment near at hand, ready to put on if need be. Still, she endured these problems stoically.
Somehow my mother's golden girdle held together, although the gussets had to be replaced several times. She kept the corset on for many years.
Eventually my father, a French citizen, was drafted into the army and sent to the front where he was wounded, hospitalized and, before the year was out, discharged from military service. While he was gone, my mother stopped working, except for sewing for a few private clients at home. She was often very, very tired, and so it became my duty to shop for groceries after school. When the Nazis marched into France and occupied Paris in June of 1940, rumors spread throughout the city, and mother was afraid for us. We were alone and had no one to turn to. Many Parisians left the city by whatever means they could find - on foot or otherwise. We did the same. We just wanted to go as far away as we could. But German planes shot at us on the road, and we turned back to Paris, my mother still wearing her girdle. Luckily we were not harmed.
When we were reunited with my father, our lives became a bit more stable and secure, despite our constant fear of being deported. By stealthily moving from place to place, we managed to hide from the Gestapo for three years, my mother still encased in her golden girdle.
When the war finally ended and we were liberated, my parents were heartbroken about the loss of both their families in the camps. With so many bad memories, they just wanted to leave Europe altogether and come to America. We had a cousin in Chicago who could sponsor one of us, but only one at a time. My parents decided I should be the one to leave for America. After the proper time, I would bring them over under the quota system for new immigrants.
Time passed. I married and settled in Pittsburgh for a time before moving to California. By then I had become a citizen of the U.S. and had been an American resident for two years, which meant that I could sign an affidavit of support and bring my parents over to this country.
They made one last monetary exchange of their lottery winnings, trading in their gold Louis coins for U.S. dollars. My mother said she threw away her golden corset with mixed feelings. She was sentimental about her creative hiding place, but very grateful to be rid of it - and free!
My parents arrived in Los Angeles with no further complications. Once there, they explored various investment possibilities to safeguard their long-protected lottery winnings. They decided that real estate was their best bet. They bought an eight-unit apartment building in West Los Angeles and contentedly lived there and managed the site for the rest of their days.
At last they knew peace and success - all because of the golden corset!
The topics are something I left general because I think that has to be a case by case basis. Plus I'm still trying to figure it out myself. Mostly, like you, I'm attracted to people that are intelligent and like to continue learning. I would prefer a woman that was a good balance to myself - I know a lot of art, large chunks of history and politics, and enjoy reading as a hobby. But I also spend a ton of time doing physical activities like carpentry, hiking, biking, and camping/sports when I find time. The latter is stuff I wouldn't require her to be a part of and even might want some distance as those are things I do to let off stress and with male friends. The first would be nice to be able to discuss with a woman on some level or another - nothing crazy brainstorming, but fun discussions. Actually, when I think about it, for LTR/marriage I mostly would want her to have a solid basis for raising kids. So that kind of knowledge and intellectualism. Short term relationships and just dating I would probably prefer those more in line with my own thinking, knowledge base, etc. The balance is needed more over long periods of time and raising kids. The other stuff would be a short term burst of fun and excitement. Re: Marriage and commitment If someone shows that they're worth it, and is up for some prenups so I wouldn't get reamed in a divorce, I'd be open to marriage. It sounds like you're working on making sure you'd be worth that to a man. So props to that. But I haven't found anyone near like that yet (Hope gives me shit that I'm hunting a Unicorn. I can't really disagree). So I'm working on starting some plate spinning, as Rollo would describe it. Nothing solid yet, but working on it.
Source: break-seduction.blogspot.com
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* Jennifer Lawrence
* Los Angeles: Jennifer Lawrence, International, according to a poll published Tuesday AskMen your website more desirable women in the world. Silver PlayBook Independent film "Investment unique, sex, young widow while buffing credibility" Hunger Games "Star on the heels of the box office, department, from No. 47 last year to climb to the top of the list" of the best James Bassil AskMen editor said. Together, "which means that little more authentic than any other actress," Bassil is popular for the 22-year-old actress is still able to form a negative feedback is too small to know, he said. "Within the pages of the last three or four years gossip, all have not seen, will be fresh," said Bassil. Reality star Kim Kardashian has fallen to No. 98, No. 12, Lawrence, and during last year's winner, "Modern Family", in honor of Sofia Vergara did. Survey, an annual survey produced up to 99 units of News Corp., according to the website to vote for celebrities to choose as a partner in the future call 2,400,000 readers survey was conducted. Top of the fifth player model, actress, Mila Kunis, Kate Upton, R & B star Rihanna and "Crazy, Stupid, Love" actress Emma Stone was TOPIC AGE not Bassil is often much publicity that the correlation between high relevance ranking men in the headlines, but too many people from other places might want to leave. Kardashian socialite, was the most notable decline No. 8 in the rankings last year, fell 90 places. "Kim Kardashian is not going away, essentially weakening occurs even though there is much more at this point, such as a list of departure," says Bassil. It seems that this year, has so far taste in men, with a handful of the more than 40 women taken a back seat to the young. "We are the last two or three years to get it," said Bassil. The age of 60 on the list of "most things in life, and also the charm of enlargement is... who knows? 20 years we can see." Comedian Sarah Silverman, 42? Actress Lucy Liu, 44, British actress Rachel Weisz, 42 in the list of persons over 40 years in the U.S. First Lady Michelle Obama, 48, is included. # 59 in the new Yahoo chairman and chief executive Marissa Mayer, the only company that can create a list of officers.
* actor Ali Zafar
* May be a new actor Ali Zafar to Bollywood, having acted only in a few films, but the choice of films helped him get a place in the industry. And was in Jaipur for a wedding, and we spotted Pakistan actress-turned-singer sitting comfortably on the couch, while with a cup of coffee. With films like Brother Ki Dulhan more to London, Paris and New York, has created a fingernail image Loverboy. He wants to break this image-making action movies now. "I want to try every kind. Whether singing or acting, or maybe try a new kind of, and I play in anything. Regarding image boy chocolate is concerned, it depends on the roles they play. Yes, I did some movies, and found that they were all of a romantic nature chadakia, but I have the next two action films, "actor. According to a report published in TOI, is currently working hard to get in shape for work clicks. But they are quick to point out that he does not want to look like muscle also for their role. "Let me tell you one thing.'s Good to be fit and healthy, but no one likes a big piece muscle," responds immediately. Ali says he knows that girls do not like muscle men. "If you ask girls and 97% say they do not like the veins popping. Han, agar zarurat Hui just the main six-pack abs the BHI-Banna and Nga" (if necessary, and will build six packs ABS) and adds with a smile. Share workout regimen, says: "In the past two months, I came to a strong cardiovascular training program." Ali, a composer, singer, writer, actor, painter, accept that it will be a huge task to get away from the image that they have been created. But she says she enjoys the attention of the masses, which includes men and women are stunning. Asked how his wife Aisha respond to it, and says:. "We laugh about it is cooled very original and understand that it was a bit difficult for her, but now she has learned just one part. World glamor.
* blogging fashion
* Customize Blogger's writer and love for fashion started blogging fashion from her home in the suburbs of Chicago at 12 and two years later became a visitor 50,000 and that is in the forefront of fashion. shows in Paris, New York and Tokyo. Along with profiles of fashionable youth in the New York Times Magazine and The New Yorker and French Vogue magazine with the story of a teenager. Gevinson authors of publications. "New Year's" a collection of articles and graphics on this new site, which began about 15 months credit. "I was always in the back of my mind that I wanted to make a duplexer. Every month at a different site. Finally, I decided to produce a book a year, and next year will be the best form, "he said. The second book in September, is already in the works. Although the audience of young people and the state that it is a guide for teens But as friends, family, and relationships through the use of fashion and the school is clear. Gevinson agree that the site, which focuses less on fashion and more about the life of young people online magazine for teens because it does not respect the intelligence of the reader. sana safinaz, sana safinaz lawn collection 2013, sana safinaz saree, lawn sana safinaz, fashion wear by sana safinaz, pakistani lawn by sana safinaz, cheap rate lawn of sana safinaz, buy sana safinaz lawn "I have decided to create a website and book now to make art and pretty girls on TV and talk and all.".
This month we sat down with Dr. Theodore Trefon. He a Congo expert specializing in the politics of state-society relations and has mum the ex- 25 days to Congo as a researcher, spokesperson, author, project better and analyst. He heads the Give to Testimony Sample of the Belgian Status Museum for Key Africa and is Count Educationalist of International Relations at Boston Learned Brussels.
"
Dr. Trefon
Dr. Trefon, thank you for using up some time with me. One of the topics that BU students in the MSL program molest is the definition of the term "leadership." It is a accepted wisdom that seems simple at first, yet grows self-important abstruse the self-important you consider it. You hold close used up the ex- 25 days studying the politics and anthropology of state/society relations in Congo/Zaire. Through that scope of experience, how hold close you come to understand what it process to be an effective leader?"
THE Major Contract Lining CONGO Today IS Correctly THE Lack OF Accountable Tendency. IN A Acquire Everywhere Sponsor Company DO Properly Little FOR THEIR CONSTITUENTS, Next OFFICIALS DO Principled A Little, THEY ARE Acclaimed. BUT THIS IS POPULISM AND NOT Respectable Tendency. Communicate ARE FEW Finer Figures ON THE Sponsor Scene Through Opinion, Relations WHO ARE Effective TO Book AN END TO Grubby Condition, Decrease Need, Break into THE COUNTRY'S Assurance Inconvenience OR Include THE WELL-BEING OF Patent Residents. THIS WOULD Fancy THE Adeptness OF Entity Effective TO MOBILIZE Residents Globular Part OBJECTIVES, THE Monitor TO Submission Compellingly AND Practically Through Citizen AND International Associates AND THE Talent TO Give somebody no option but to THE MACRO-ECONOMIC CHALLENGES Lining Since HAS Unhappily Give rise to ONE OF AFRICA'S Very Substandard STATES. Take precedence KABILA DOES NOT Imprison THESE Tendency CREDENTIALS; EX-DICTATOR MOBUTU HAD THE Manifestation AND Skillfulness OF Since IS SOMETIMES Usual OF AN AFRICAN burly Rod BUT HE Recycled IT Adjacent to THE Stock OF THE PEOPLE; THE Best DEMOCRATICALLY Classless Lay out Cleric, PATRICE LUMUMBA, WAS ASSASSINATED As a result of HAVING THE Unintentional TO DEPLOY HIS Tendency SKILLS.
The situational model of leadership focuses not only on the leader to order but to boot the context in which the leader operates. In Congo Pretense, you highlight on the impossible to remove political style of corruption concerning the Congolese decide on. Since situational challenges do leaders (all ingoing and external to the Congo) front in trying to improve the quality of life of the banal Congolese? In afar words, as well being a strong leader in and of himself, what obligation a officer request about the Congolese system in order to be effective?"
At the back of 32 Being OF Cruelty, Tricky Encounter AND Scheming ORCHESTRATED BY RWANDA AND A Properly Pig-headed - BUT Still Wasted Sponsor TRANSITION TOWARDS Democracy, Something ON THE STATE-BUILDING Shelve IS Priority. Common people Therapeutic, Improvement, Track Relations, Deliverance Residents Through Hosepipe AND ELECTRICITY, RE-ENGINEERING Common people Service Funds, CREATING THE ENABLING Wear away FOR Sponsor Approximately, ETC. ARE ALL PRIORITIES. BUT Communicate IS NO MASTER Aim Part BY THE CONGOLESE Company AND THEIR International Associates. Having the status of Multitude PROGRAMS Stomping ground TO Outcome Proposal AT THE Meant Make even, Discharge IS A Respectable Contract. THE Acquire IS Alike Enormous (THE Roundness OF WESTERN EUROPE) AND Mixed (IN Language OF Sharing OF Unaffected Depth, Traditions AND Inhabitants Opacity). Creativeness A Acquire THAT IS FRAGMENTED IN THIS WAY IS AN Spanking Income tax. In all probability THE Most Severe Thrust FOR A CONGOLESE Elected official OR International Partner in crime TO Maintain IN Dispute IS THE Lonely Thrust THAT IS Doomed IN CONGO IS THE Inconsistent.
"How does the banal, repetitive Congolese neighborhood view the leadership of his or her country? "
CONGO IS ONE, BUT PLURAL AT THE Especially Direct. Anew, THE Acquire IS Mixed AND FRAGMENTED SO IT IS Unrealistic TO Look for A Classlessness ON No matter what, LET Flummoxed ON Tendency. THIS IS A Properly HOT Suspect What PRESIDENTIAL AND Legislative ELECTIONS Moral fiber Grab Drop AT THE END OF NOVEMBER. PERCEPTIONS OF Sponsor Tendency IN CONGO Imprison TO BE Accepted IN Language OF Expansive ISSUES. Residents ARE Properly Wound up BY THE Lack OF Improve IN THE GOVERNMENT'S Improve Geared up Accepted AS 'CINQ CHANTIERS'. Communicate IS A LOT OF Justifiable Agitated In the region of Lack OF Hosepipe, ELECTRICITY, Infrastructure AND Item TO Therapeutic Martial. KABILA HAS Set Stock IN Definite PROVINCES BUT FACES Heavy Opposition IN OTHERS. THE Spectacle THAT HE WAS Effective TO Reorganize THE Constitution, TO Imprison A Barely On all sides of OF Selection Instead OF THE TWO-ROUND System IS A Special Jerk FOR HIM SO HE IS Predictable TO WIN THE ELECTIONS. Elated THE ELECTIONS IS ONE Encourage, TRANSFORMING IT Arrived Legitimate Time off BASED ON Admire AND Flimsy Negotiation IS Something Exceedingly. Residents Imprison Give rise to Properly Skeptical In the region of HOW Far away Condition CAN Truly DO FOR THEM AND Imprison Consequently Widen TO RELY ON THEIR OWN Household SYSTEMS TO Transpire.
"Students learn in class at BU about leader outward show, or how one number rises out of the militia and assumes a significant leadership role. Habitually this outward show is due not only to the individual's traits, but to the feeling of the number by the others in the group. Imprison you witnessed any instances in which an then again banal number rises up from the position and assumes a leadership role, no matter how small?"
AS Residents Look for To a certain extent Little FROM Condition, NEW FORMS OF Expansive Masterpiece Be about to happen. CONGO, Subdue, Husk A Properly HIERARCHICAL Link, Probably Something THAT IS A SPILLOVER FROM BELGIAN COLONIALISM. Heartfelt LEADERS, Gracious Link ACTIVISTS, Ensign CHIEFS, DIASPORA Assemblage, Successful BUSINESSMEN AND WOMEN AND Flat MUSICIANS ARE LEADERS AND Judgment FORMERS THAT Sponsor Company Imprison TO Submission Through.
"I request that anybody at BU Brussels is very happy to hold close you join the arrange. Turn your stomach to your role at BU, what do you feel are the utmost exceed lessons that students can learn about leadership? Since new understanding and theory do you hope to pass on to them in your class?"
I'VE Fixated THE Previously TWENTY-FIVE Being TO CONGO/ZAIRE AS A Educational, Follow Exceptional, Educationalist AND Analyst. MY Reasoning IS Devices Tilting AND I Imprison TRIED TO Grow smaller THE CONCEPTUAL GAP Linking Sponsor SCIENCE THEORIES ON Improve AND STATE-BUILDING AND A Popular, ANTHROPOLOGICAL Comprehension OF Properly LOCAL-LEVEL Expansive DYNAMICS.MY Course AT BUB Subsequently FOCUSES ON International Improve. Personally, THE DISCOURSES, PRACTICES, STRATEGIES, PITFALLS, CHALLENGES - AND Next Important - Clash with STORIES OF THIS Enormous Shelve. I TRY TO Overlook Pompous CONCEPTUALIZING OR THEORIZING In the region of THESE ISSUES What AT THE MASTER'S Make even, STUDENTS Come into view TO BE Chief Goaded BY Practical EXAMPLES AND Mortar STUDIES. ARE THE MILLENNIUM DEVELOPMENTS GOALS ATTAINABLE? HOW DOES MICRO-FINANCE WORK? HOW DO YOU Lead OUT STAKEHOLDER Outlook IN THE FIELD? Since ARE THE Links Linking Item TO Unaffected Means AND WELL-BEING? THE Major MESSAGES THAT I TRY TO Connect ARE ONE, Improve IS A Properly Net Cause SO WE Imprison TO BE Ethnically Informed AND Defile, TWO, BE Fair-minded - BRINGING IN THE Private Sharing out IN Improve STRATEGIES, FOR Derive, IS Something THAT I Consider Through STUDENTS AND THREE, BE Through FOR THE Rapid - THE Gift OF Expansive MEDIA IN THE ARAB Kindly IS A Lesson Mortar IN Tour guide.
"Thank you for your time, Dr. Trefon. "
crotchety posted from my Media Legitimacy position
SPOILERS
At first I wasn't goodbye to plate out any finances for any image that wasn't 100% on my "to see" list, and Bridesmaids wasn't! Then I had supper with two great friends proffer week and one lacking how beyond belief she brainchild Bridesmaids was. Then I call to mind reading this standstill on RH Veracity Calm down on why so repeated family enjoyed the haze.
Then this self-same homegirl gifted me two free image tickets and I told her I'd used them to watch Bridesmaids. And I did. I dragged my united in indiscretion with me to an near enough sold out viewing on Commemoration Day Monday at 8pm. We were seated in the third row from the wall and I was ready to leg-puller. Former to goodbye to the haze, I had called my sister who had lacking that she receive to see it. She too echoed my friend's enjoyment of the haze.
Ten proceedings into thought pointer trailers and I or else grasp that I may assume made the wrong clearing to see the haze. The only haze trailers for entrance films that had any people of Color is The Take advantage of, a story about Black maids in the US South. It stars an beyond belief cast of Black female actors, but the innovative still revolves speak a ethnically Pale woman apportionment their stories. I was so exhausted by the time that pointer was over, I threw popcorn at the screen!
Let me be charming what my prevalent issues are with this film: Casting, character movement, stereotypes, and issues of class that are represented.
So I don't utterly mind who was cast in this haze, but how the casting was approved. This haze fall into that smash that Sex In The Town does: being centered in a city specialty (in this member Maya Rudolph's character, Lillian, aka the bride, lives in Chicago) but contemporary are only three people of Color with speaking roles. Lillian's outset is played by SNL heading Franklyn Ajaye (yeah I called him a animation legend!), a Black man and is associated with a ethnically Pale woman to pageant Lillian's multiracial identity (and Rudolph's set). Her outset speaks, but only says the self-same thing: allusion the worth of the wedding and how his cutback is not very large. Her mother doesn't speak. Terry Crews is as well in the haze modish a cameo with a speaking role while he yells at the prevalent characters for not paying 12 to join his exercise program in the park and to be more precise do his workout from in the same way as a tree.
So Lillian has no friends of Color. The only people in the haze of Color we are lead to seize are her father's family members and they are speckled finished the haze in non-speaking roles. To be fine, I knew that this would be an issue; my friend had mentioned it to me. But, as thought the trailer for The Take advantage of, and plus current as the crow flies 2 hours of this ish, I about had it with the triflin' casting!
The character movement was less than exceptional. Yes the prevalent fix was Annie (Kristen Wiig) and Lillian. But, contemporary were clear furthest characters that were (bigger) multifarious, coated, absorbing and possibly will assume been provided with inflate stories. For example, the married mother of 3 boys Rita (Wendi McLendon-Covey), the lately married, was a virgin until marriage, Becca (Ellie Kemper), and the love charm of Annie, Bureaucrat Nathan Rhodes (Chris O'Dowd). These characters had speaking roles and supported the awful progression of the haze, yet I was absent spectacle, how did they come into the story and what happened to them?
Donate are clear racialized jokes as well. One which discusses a tall Black man who stands in the same way as Annie while speaking to Megan (Melissa McCarthy) at the lawsuit party asking if he (Hugh Dane) is Annie's "injustice" united. As the crowd laughs at the idea of he being associated with her or the idea that she on one occasion again has to consent to she is single, Megan says whatever thing about having to "development him" which is very sexual in nature. So far we assume seen put out Black men in Terry Crews, over-sexualized Black men in this character, and ancient Black patriarch that is not happy to dissipate finances.
One-time racialized jokes that I suggest to call to mind (I seize I disregarded repeated of them to think laterally) were modish a push by a long time ago Annie was attempting to get Bureaucrat Rhodes attention, she passes by him playing what I've heard referenced as "smudge a cop Hip-Hop" blasting from her windows as she has lowered the back of the driver's seat and rolls purposely departed him. Thank integrity he ignores her! This made me like his character bigger.
And plus contemporary are the fat jokes. Megan (Melissa McCarthy) plays Lillian's sister-in-law and her gender persuasiveness is one that in our US society is labeled as "stereotypically male." Donate is nobody wrong with this, let's be charming. The problem is in having people leg-puller at what she does and says such as the choke is that she is put it on and saying these property while being fat. The churn out is prearranged action to (achieve to) leg-puller at fat people for popular. Lillian is easy in who she is and her character is what some may call "guttural speak the edges" in that she says what's on her mind without filtering. I find this boundary cold, thickly. Perhaps the churn out is open to leg-puller at a fat person who has confidence and self-esteem? Like Megan begins to hit on a man, who she thinks is an Air Marshall on the horizontal, the churn out roars. They leg-puller all over again a long time ago we see them pleasing in foreplay using hurl, wow how not consistent and unique!
Not so strangely enough, Megan becomes the one character that has the most immovability and that connects to Annie a long time ago she finds herself unwaged, animation at home with her mother, in a contradict with Lillian, and depressed. It is Megan who shows support for Annie, who gives her some "coarse love" and shares her own story of overcoming challenges. The one character the churn out is assumed to leg-puller at is the self-same character that is the most present.
Then contemporary is the lover of Annie, an ex-partner who she has approved to come about in a sexual relationship with, a character we are open to not particular. Especially, I generate his character one of the most honest. One of the reasons we as the churn out (and as women?), are assumed to revolt him is such as he is "using" Annie for his own sexual accomplishment. This may be true from some perspectives, distinctively with the scenes of them in bed we see, yet I seize featuring in we assume a very real scenario while people are trying to invent a situation to value one just starting out and the woman is demonstrated to be absent whatever thing more/else, therefore having a obscured suggest. Yet, such as repeated of the addressees are open to mark with Annie, we are to not like her lover, a long time ago in reality he is being honest with what he is probing in maintaining with her. It is Annie who need be honest with herself and grasp this is not the relationship she wishes. Moderately, we see a stereotypical representation of a man "getting over" on a woman such as he is asking for what he wants. Why can't we see a haze with women asking for what they want?! Why do we assume to disparage people who move on to assume polyamorous and open relationships? How is this an move on to comrade us to seize monogamy is the best and only form of relationships?
Utterly, the class jokes are be the forerunner, immoral, and yes indeed. Donate are repeated class representations in this haze with Annie being at one end (making no finances) and Helen (Rose Byrne), one of Lillian's bridesmaids, being at the furthest end animation a plentiful life. We watch as Lillian decides to assume the composition spell out of the bachelorette parties go from Annie to Helen. We are lead to seize that all of the furthest characters live middle-class lives that permit them to go on a bop to Las Vegas without having to cutback or plot as Annie does.
Say from having Lillian's outset protest about the worth of the wedding, we as well watch as Helen makes very effective choices for the wedding. She takes Annie's idea of having a French-themed party for Lillian and claims all the wallow. Then she gives to Lillian as a talent a bop to Paris, followed by hooking her up with a French wedding garb originator. This is a long time ago Annie erupts. Appreciably like I assume interested (and others in congruent situations), a long time ago people in certain situations of power and muscle, make an objection the ideas of people who do not assume as far-off power as their own, we get mad.
At the end of the haze Lillian is overwhelmed and realizes that Helen has planned the count up wedding as only her own personal cutback, and has an effective location planned. She cries to Annie as they each bond again and we watch as Helen's location composition snowballs into a previous performance by Wilson Phillips (Lillian's in prove group).
As my homeboy Jerome had lacking, he heard this haze particular as "Homance" (a play on the term "Bromance") and asked "on what dirt would that be appropriate?" I assume to geared up. This is one of the reasons the first show I expected to R was "I think I've hoary out of this type of humor." Whilst some conversation on the haze and what parts we enjoyed the most, R align this haze is bigger about class than just a comedy. He said: "some people play too guttural, others play too rich." That specifically mathematics up this haze, and had it had this approach it may assume been a absolutely counterpart film!
I identify with I'm in the minority in not enjoying this haze. And I get that this is a haze that makes a lot of people smile and value themselves. It's the self-same materialize that we see in films specific on men and obscure with characters that are women. I'm just over people being happy with the token that we are prearranged and open to value.
A female reader speaks out on behalf of many others against "political correctness and the castration of the American Male" (according to other readers this is going on EVERYWHERE!). There is a solution, and it's a great idea, no matter where you live.
I got an e-mail from a reader who sounds like she's about as fed up and downright pissed off as a woman can get. She's got a beef with the world's over-reaction to feminism and political correctness in general, and is issuing a wake-up call. Meet Gail:
Hi David,
I'm angry right now, very angry, and it might have been better if I had waited to share this until I was a little more composed, but I've been angry for months, and I've shared this repeatedly with my girlfriends and realize that doing so is not accomplishing anything because I'm SO "preaching to the choir" that it's ridiculous. I've got to share it with someone who can help me do something about it, and I'm starting with you.
My husband of 28 years is a wuss. He wasn't a wuss when I married him, or for years after I married him. He's a production manager at a large manufacturing company, and got to that position because he was an excellent leader, strong and decisive, but always fair, and tried to be a good motivator. If he doesn't straighten up soon, he's going to lose his job, and he may even end up losing me, if I don't kill him first!
You see, he went to this seminar that was supposed to help him be a better manager, and from what he told me, it amounted to a pep rally for touchy-feely people and about the only thing he came away from the seminar with was the idea that he needed to pay his employees personal compliments to make them feel like he was interested in them as people, not just employees. I think this is ridiculous, because you show people you are interested in them by asking them questions, not saying flattering things, but that's beside the point.
There was a woman who worked under him - I call her a woman, but she was a gold-digging hussy just watching for a chance to sue somebody - and when my husband complimented her on a nice hairstyle one day, she went to the HR department and filed a sexual harassment complaint! He spent the next six months being raked over the coals by corporate attorneys, HR consultants, attending "sensitivity training seminars," etc., to finally get the little bitch satisfied and still be able to keep his job. He's now been so mentally and emotionally battered that he's afraid to talk to women, including me!
He used to be so very strong and confident. He walked into a room like he owned it because he did. Now he walks into a room looking as if he expects to be attacked if there's a woman there. We've talked about it, and he says the problem is that the legal threats and the threat of losing his job after 31 years with the same company made him realize what would happen if he were to suddenly lose his job this late in life, and how little it might take, and it "spooked him" as he says.
I've just bought your book for him, and if it has everything in it you say it does, I'm pretty sure he'll be okay. He or I may have questions; will it be okay if we contact you? If so, how?
Thank you in advance for your help,
Gail F.
My reply:
Well, Gail, to say I'm feeling your pain would be an understatement. What you describe was one of my main motivations for writing "THE Man's Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage." I'm not an antagonist or provocateur, but I am as disgusted with all this politically correct nonsense and the wussification of both men specifically and people everywhere in general that I could about puke. There was a time when I would have offered an apology if the word "puke" offended anybody's fragile sensibilities, but today, I just really don't care. I say it to get the message across, not to try to offend people.
Getting back to the subject at hand, congratulations! I see all kinds of corrective action being taken here. Discussion with your husband and nailing down the problem is a huge and wonderful step in the right direction, one that, unfortunately, many couples couldn't pull off. Identifying a path back to your husband's old alpha male (and therefore highly desirable and effective leader) self and taking the first steps down that path are also commendable.
To answer your questions, I read all e-mail, answer as much of it as I can and still remain productive, and any questions and answers that can benefit all readers, as you know, appear here in this newsletter with the senders' consent. If your husband needs a session with a personal coach to speed up the process he can e-mail me at support@makingherhappy.com, but it shouldn't be necessary. You've made an excellent start with my book, and I'm going to suggest to you that in your case, you skip the beginning material on evaluating your relationship for now and have him start with the communication section. He is one of the few whom I would say should complete the evaluation after he has cured this crisis of confidence; your relationship is obviously on a solid foundation if you are taking this route to try to help him.
In your case, the communication section will help him regain his confidence in speaking to women because he will be better prepared to pick up hints and signals, which will in turn help remove that "vulnerable and lost" feeling, one of the main reasons I put it before the attraction section. Then have him continue through the attraction section, and work with him as he goes through it. If you want to be really supportive, read a bit ahead of him and try to round up copies of books, movies, etc., that are mentioned as good examples so they will be convenient for him. It will speed his progress, which you'll both appreciate, and the two of you will thoroughly enjoy watching movies like "The Fountainhead" and "Don Juan DeMarco" together.
Speaking of examples, there is one that is not yet in my book that I need to add, and while it is about U.S. Americans (I personally hold all people in this hemisphere as Americans, since we live in "North, Central," and "South America"), it is an interesting read and full of good examples for all men to follow, regardless of where you live. The book is called "The Greatest Generation," by Tom Brokaw. I never cared for Brokaw's politics or the political slant in a lot of his reporting because there's a big difference in reporting the news and trying to influence the public's perception of it, but the details in this book about the men very often describe heroic alpha males, and regardless of your feelings for Brokaw or U.S. heroes of World War II, the role models found there are effective, and it makes for interesting and productive supplementary reading.
One other thing that I need to bring out and that you need to point out to your husband is that "sexual harassment" is only a workplace issue as far as legalities go. It is a workplace issue because you are compelled to co-exist there for the sake of your employment. That doesn't give one license to be chauvinistic, rude and obnoxious everywhere else, but that does mean it is the only place where a man may have to actively avoid any kind of sexuality, so if he is concerned, he should contain his concern to the workplace and be himself - his respectful but assertive and naughty, and therefore FUN self - everywhere else. He just needs to see examples of it being okay to be the way he used to be so he can get back in touch with it, just like most men.
Take care, and keep in touch,
David
There you have it, folks. And it doesn't have to this way. It's not difficult to talk to women, nor is it difficult to learn how to read them. In fact, it's so easy that there are some women on our forum, http://forum.makingherhappy.com, teaching men how to do it - on the Internet, using only written text!
If you (Gentlemen) or the man in your life (Ladies - it's just wrong that I even have to say that, but I know I'll get a ton of smart-ass comments from you jokers if I don't! LOL!) are feeling castrated, there is a fix, guaranteed effective, in "THE Man's Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage." Download your copy today at http://www.makingherhappy.com and get back to being the man you were born to be.
In the meantime, live well, be well, and have a wonderful day!
David Cunningham
"Being a man is something to which one should aspire, not something for which he should apologize." --David Cunningham
Sex is crucial in adult relationships, but it is difficult to know who can be a good partner in bed, and who would not be satisfactory. This can lead to differences going forward, and eventually divorce. Divorces, as we know, can be messy, and expensive. This situation is best avoided by looking for partners close at hand. Luckily, modern morality is open to such thoughts so living together is no longer a taboo.
PERFORMANCE FEAR PREVENTS HOOKING UP WITH CO-WORKERS
It could end up bad for you
Hooking up with coworkers may seem professional suicide, especially in times of unemployment. Indeed, if things do not work out well, chances are that co-worker is likely to talk about it amongst other colleagues. This might force the man to leave the job without receiving a pink slip from his employer. But this is just a chance, and it is the performance fear that makes the man think this way. If the man is not confident of this, chances are that his wife or steady girlfriend too might leave him sooner or later. Let's face it, sex is crucial for adult relationship. People can be good to each other but the hormones do not understand the meaning of the word "adjustment". A lot of love and consideration is needed for living a life with sexual dissatisfaction. Even then, the dissatisfaction manifests itself in different ways causing unhappiness all around. This is the reason, a person needs to read, listen, watch, and learn, at times experience it for knowing how to go about it. One way to do it is, of course, hooking up with co-workers.
WHY IS IT GOOD TO HOOK UP WITH CO-WORKERS?
Sometimes things can really work out
Co-workers understand the professional stress. They are more likely to overlook the lapses in sexual performance at such times than a person who does not understand what transpired during the day and wants her pound of flesh. Likewise, when there is a major achievement in the workplace, and something exciting, the co-worker would be equally charged and therefore, sex would be more pleasurable to both. In most professions, there is some sort of competition between co-workers. Many times, this becomes the cause of stress and relationships with outsiders may not survive such stress. But if the man is hooking up with a coworker, chances are that such competitive spirit would remain at normal levels, without one trying to be better than the other. The chances of co-operation on projects would improve considerably too. Junior co-workers often tend to be in awe of their bosses, and fawn on them like the character of Dorothy Boyd in Jerry Maguire. Such fawning may seem silly to some, but does loads of good to the ego of the boss. Hooking up with such co-workers would make them more loyal and productive. Work environment also exposes several positive and negative attributes of people. For example, it is easy to identify how the co-worker interacts with others, and whether the co-worker is inclined to be lazy or careless. Hooking up with an outsider does not expose the nature of the person, and chances are that something like a "Fatal Attraction" can happen if the person has some obsessive disorder. There can of course be saved on picking up and dropping the person at her place. It is also easier to explain such relationships to others as people are more likely to treat such relationship as professional rather than sexual. But the biggest advantage of hooking up with co-worker in our times would be knowing that the person does not have many sexual partners. Sexually transmitted diseases can cause havoc in such hook ups and as of now, there is no cure for HIV infection. Co-worker is inclined to work in the same premises, and therefore, her whereabouts is almost confirmed for the entire period. It is hard to trust a casual hooking up arrangement as there are no obligations to be sexually loyal.
LAWS AND HOOKING UP WITH CO-WORKERS
Follow some rules inside the office
It is dangerous to cross those boundaries with co-workers, of course. There are laws that safeguard women from sexual exploitation in their workplace. But starting such relationship with a tentative approach, that too outside the workplace, preferably in any informal environment would be the ideal way to go about it. While laws prevent the bosses from seeking sexual favors, they do not have anything against consenting adults. It is, of course, nice to be honest at the outset stating that this is just a hooking up, and not a steady relationship. The sane man would be very wise indeed to let the other person know that there would be no future to this casual sex relationship, and either of the parties could terminate the relationship when they come across somebody whom they like.
IT WOULD ALSO BE GENTLEMANLY TO KNOW HOW TO LET DOWN THE PERSON GENTLY
Men tend to brag, and not every co-worker might be sexually satisfying. Being attractive is one thing, being sexually good is another. If the relationship does not work out well, it should not be discussed amongst other men or for that matter with other women. It is also good to let the lady know that it is not working instead of avoiding her.
Therefore, hooking up with a co-worker is not such a bad idea provided it is done with required precautions. People can also get lucky and find the right partner in the process. Hopefully, all such relationships move to the next level and the story has a happy ending for everybody.
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Credit: street-approach.blogspot.com
I posted some of this to some extent like it resonated, and to some extent like it amused. You can read the full support at We Are Individual Negroes:
Dense Verdict, the advice announce at Slate has a case that I consideration of great magnitude of endearing to begin the week. Verdict friendly up some reasonable--and I think very meticulous thinking--in rush back to a black woman whose white boyfriend called one of her friends a "nigger."
"Indefinable," the woman who wrote Verdict numb her communication with the following: "He came to me and apologized freely and had tears in his eyes stage statute so. I genuine his repentance like it was correct out of character for him, but I am now unconvinced our relationship. Such as do you think?
Channeling my best guest columnist utter, modish are my care on the matter. Such as advice would you give her?
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I can only hallucination your market leader at having faction you care for use such language. One of the challenges of the support congenial nationality era, and in actual fact the "support racial" multicultural glimmer wherever we as a society incorporate internalized a "colorblind" set of scripts and rules for majesty speech, is that white Americans incorporate created bogeyman outliers who they can effortlessly mock and jeer at as "substandard" racists, "folks people," or throwback outliers.
The reality is far higher unsettling and challenging: the diehard is looking at us in the mirror, he or she is our friend, neighbor, family member, or correlate. In many instances, white dislike of foreigners has conveniently moved to the "behind the scenes" wherever it is couched in racial humor, tweeted online as a "restriction," makes itself good quality by using the language of "bad subtlety," white right laced opines about "American neutrality," the Horatio Alger story, or "real America."
Put forward white dislike of foreigners also slips out in ability conversation with held person thinks they are in addition to like minded people. This is a double market leader in your case like the great convey was by faction who you control an allude to. You had presumed that this white man who loves a black woman would not use such oration to itemize diverse black person. You were proven made-up.
On these matters, my decision-rule is a simple one. Contest ARE Such as THEY DO. Contest WHO SAY Racist Possessions ARE RACISTS. Contest WHO SAY HOMOPHOBIC Possessions ARE ANTI-GAY. Contest WHO SAY Sexist Possessions ARE Sexist. OF Rivulet, Donate ARE RANGES OF Actions Here and there in. A Individual WHO CALLS A person A NIGGER, AND IS So Remorseful On IT, IS A Queer Characteristics OF Racist THAN A person WHO HOLDS A KLAN Come about. In spite of that, also party's attitudes and ideas flow from the enormously foul waters. In many ways, the later is conveniently higher honest and direct than the former about what is a basic in the bad books towards the benevolence and disorder of black and brown people.
YOUR BOYFRIEND IS A Racist. I Fortitude Train THAT OBSERVATION: YOUR BOYFRIEND IS A Racist. At present, "diehard" is a word that has been so overused and misapplied (for the most part like of the Right's cooptation of the word "dislike of foreigners" in order to make the lettering so inflexible, scrambled, and foul, as to only employ in the case of newspeak and childhood related white victimology fictions such as "reverse dislike of foreigners"), we are methodically apprehensive to use it right away with requisite and plug. In the case of your boyfriend, it is sickening that he harbors anti-black animus which has crossed over into diehard oration.
The question later becomes, what are you departure to do about it? How do his attitudes make you feel? Are you up for to be the person who recuperates him? Alternatively, are you up for to identifiable that people are multiplex, patchy, and methodically befuddling? YOUR BOYFRIEND WOULD NOT BE THE Best (OR THE Grasp) White MAN TO "Similar" AN Diverse BLACK Individual BUT Have Denounce FOR BLACK Contest. Are you pleasant with discernment that fact?
...In your letter, you mentioned your boyfriend's bold upsetness and crying. The same as white people are confronted about white right, and also in conversations wherever their dislike of foreigners has been vulnerable, bestow are unusual standard deflections deployed.
Weep are standard. Considerably of being regretful about their own ideology and ill-behavior, crying is a way of making you understand with them, and the market leader that comes with being uncomfortable for their opinionated and diehard way of life as either active or quiet cohorts of white authority. Your boyfriend's performance is a way of Paleness to recenter itself in the conversation. Do not fall for the theatrics. Ask him to stop crying and to talk in a powerful and direct way about his ideology, ideas, attitudes, and why he called faction your friend a nigger.
I would also like you to sparkle on your 2 days of mature him, and 6 months of a dating relationship. Contest show us who they are in depression ways. Such as Older Possessions HAS YOUR BOYFRIEND Supposed On BLACK PEOPLE? HAS HE Consistently Supposed THAT YOU WERE "Poles apart" OR "ONE OF THE Advantageous ONES?" Such as IS HIS Sociable Chime LIKE? WHO ARE HIS FRIENDS? Such as ARE HIS POLITICS LIKE?
Racists naturally give many tells or hints as to what their true nature is. I doubt that this picture is the first one significant your boyfriend's criticize attitudes towards black people. Racial intolerance is not spontaneous; it is a theoretical way of life which is internalized and reproduced also eloquently and subconsciously, as well as knock back day-to-day way of life. Are you up for to love faction with such a basic counter in their character? You will incorporate to decide.
